8 Tips For Managing Grudges
Anger is a deep-rooted and persistent resentment. It is a negative emotion that invades us when someone hurts us and we believe that there is an intention behind that action or lack of effort to avoid causing such pain. On the other hand, it is this resentment that motivates revenge. In this context, the main reason we must learn to manage grudges is not just the harm we can do to others, but our own mental well-being.
It is very harmful to recreate the feeling and feed the pain, even though it seems attractive. What we are really doing is intoxicating ourselves under the guise of easing pain by expressing our emotions.
8 tips for managing grudges
We can use some tips to manage anger in the face of a situation that makes us angry, so we can identify the cause of the problem and analyze it in a way that doesn’t increase the suffering. Thus, we will avoid getting carried away by the situation and feelings that struggle to gain control of our behavior.
prevent rancor from being born
To begin managing anger, it’s best to analyze the source of that feeling as objectively as possible. For this, we can look for a well-founded explanation that neutralizes negative feelings. For example, we must accept that a personal or professional situation will not always ideally suit our tastes or respond to our interests.
don’t feed the bad thoughts
It’s no use brooding over problems, except to increase this feeling of inner hatred that goes against our ability to manage bitterness. Therefore, it is better to try to forget about the problem, accept that we cannot change what happened and start working on finding solutions.
cherish forgiveness
This can be one of the trickiest points, as forgiving is often not a simple task. Therefore, a good option is to encourage the memory of facts or circumstances that motivate this forgiveness. Probably these events were in the past, attracted by the emotion itself.
As an exercise, we can make two columns in which we will place the positive and negative aspects of our relationship with the person who generated the problem, even giving a numerical value for each. That way, we can manage the resentment we feel in a more objective way, being able to see the situation through a new perspective and valuing the good and the bad.
draw conclusions
This step is a good complement to the previous item, so that once we analyze the positive and negative aspects of our relationship with the person who caused the problem, we can draw conclusions about the value of that relationship. That way, we will be able to see whether or not she deserves a step beyond forgiveness and the attempt to recover the relationship.
vent
To manage resentment, it ‘s important not to keep the problem to yourself. Talk it over with someone who can give you another view of the situation or highlight some ideas you haven’t thought of yet.
don’t act thoughtlessly
Being carried away by feelings is totally against the good management of the situation. Therefore, as difficult as it may be, it is better to wait to analyze the problem with a “cool head” rather than starting a heated discussion.
Practice selective forgetting
Our brain has a survival mechanism that helps us forget what caused us pain. Of course, it’s not a foolproof solution, but it can be used to manage grudges in a healthier way.
If a person has harmed us in any way, it’s best not to be always on the lookout for it to happen again. Try to convince yourself that it may have been an isolated event. Of course, it’s also important to know how to recognize people’s character and to be aware that someone may harm us again in the future.
stay away
Finally, if we are faced with an unsolvable problem or one that constantly leads to a stressful situation, it ‘s best to walk away. This can be good advice in the event of a break-up, so we will avoid situations that might reopen old wounds. In the end, space and time will help us see things more clearly, letting go of rancor.
