4 Signs To Pay Attention To On The First Date

Ana has just entered a bar. It’s her first blind date and she has no idea how to proceed. She doesn’t know who she’ll meet, but she’s also nervous because she doesn’t know if the other will find her an attractive person, if she’ll be able to please him. He certainly won’t ask openly, and even if he did, the other could lie. So what to do to find out?

Let’s give Ana a hand. What aspects should she pay attention to in order to know if she aroused the attention of her companion? In fact, they had better be aspects that the other cannot handle. Also, it is important that this information is true.

We will tell Ana that we will stay at a secluded table, surreptitiously observing the conversation. After a reasonable amount of time, she will go to the bathroom and we will go there to talk to her. The door opens and the first date begins.

Factors to look out for on the first date

1- The influence

The first sign within a conversation is influence. With this term we refer to the dimension that a person reaches when he manages to adjust the conversation with his interlocutor, that is, the person transforms the conversation into a pleasant “chat” talking about subjects that please both people. Therefore, influence is an indicator of power over the conversation and the person conducts it in an easy way, talking about various subjects and asking intelligent questions.

For example, parents use influence when children start talking. They say a word and wait patiently for the child to repeat or respond. On the other hand, influence and power over a conversation requires a mental effort.

Thus, if our friend Ana’s companion makes this effort, it means that he is interested in this meeting. Could there be any other explanation for investing so many resources in the conversation if not your interest in Ana?

Otherwise, it would be a sign that the companion is not interested, is shy or prefers to be cautious. To find out whether there is interest or not, we will look at the following signs that surround sincere communication.

2- Mimicry

When we are interested in a conversation, something very curious happens: we tend to repeat the gestures of the person we are talking to.  If there is a connection and we touch our ear, there is a high chance that our interlocutor will do the same later. This is also a way of looking at influence: normally, whoever makes the gestures before is influencing, and whoever repeats them is the influenced.

If there is no mimicry in the gestures, this will be a sign of lack of interest. So if Ana’s date doesn’t try to influence and isn’t influenced, he’s probably not interested in her and his mind is focused on Monday’s planning meeting.

On the other hand, mimicry is not just a sign of interest, it is also a feeling that we are at ease. It’s a sign of synchronization and fit, that the pieces of conversation fit together.

3- The activity level

It can be the level of bodily activity (mimicry) or the speed and pitch of one’s voice. Any one of the signs is a symptom of engaging in conversation and therefore of interest. Think about what happens to you when you feel very happy. Can you be quiet?

No of course not. In fact, there is a popular expression that aptly says “to jump for joy”. So, if we notice that Ana’s companion moves his arms inaccurately and somewhat uncoordinated, it’s another sign of interest that we’ll add to our list. Then, with all these notes, we will do a global assessment and give our verdict.

4- Coherence

Coherence has to do with the holistic analysis of Ana’s companion’s behavior. It is related to the way in which verbal and non-verbal languages ​​are synchronized, and even their different aspects. A cheerful person speaks louder than usual while moving around a lot. This is somehow a sincere expression of your feelings.

If not, then it is a sign of deception. In this case, simulating an interest would be a way of trying to maintain social protocol and education; or trying to hide interest so as not to show yourself vulnerable to a stranger.

Another significant aspect of coherence has to do with changing behaviors over time and not with different ways of expressing yourself at the same time. For example, there may be changes in voice pitch and volume within a conversation. It’s a natural process, and if this doesn’t happen it could be an indicator that there is too much control over the communication or that it isn’t being interesting for both of you.

We identified the four sources of information and took note of each of them based on our observation. So, we can already tell Ana something more about her companion on this first date. We may be surprised, because even though Ana has not previously studied these signs, we often unconsciously assess the situation correctly.

We are so good at interpreting this type of information that when someone is presented to us, we quickly make an assessment that can be good or bad. We can be right or wrong, but either way, it is information that we use every day in our lives.