Your Love Is Bad For My Health
Love is the most complex, thrilling, satisfying, and sometimes also the most tragic dimension there is.
We can all fall in love, from emotionally mature people to others full of fear and insecurities, including those who suffer from some psychological problem.
Perhaps therein lies the greatest difficulty: fitting all this mix of personalities, healthy and problematic, into a relationship that, at times, becomes not only impossible, but also toxic to our physical and emotional health.
Sometimes, without even knowing how, we end up falling in love with people who, far from making us happy, let us fall into an abyss full of ups and downs, where there is never stability, where emotional blackmail, rancor, distrust and even the physical or emotional violence (both equally destructive).
Walter Riso, a clinical psychologist specializing in romantic relationships, created a series of categories that would come to define the different types of toxic loves. Let’s look at one by one.
Toxic Types and Relationships
Torturing love:
In this first dimension, we would have people who seek, at all times, to be the point of attention of their partner. Truly obsessive cases of absolute dependence can occur, where the approval and recognition of the other is always sought. If these are not obtained, one falls into depressive and even vindictive states.
Paranoid love:
Here we would have the classic relationship where a member of the relationship has an obsessive behavior, thinking he will be betrayed. Any small aspect can be interpreted as a clear suspicion that you are being looked down upon, rejected or, worse, unloved. The level of suffering created around the relationship is not only very painful but also destructive for both of you.
Subversive love:
It’s a kind of relationship as complex as it is toxic. One of the two sees their partner as an authority figure, establishing a behavior of submission or even flight. You think that your life is controlled by the other person, that he doesn’t let you do certain things, when in reality it shouldn’t be that way. They are immature people who immerse their partner in continuous states of affection and contempt.
Narcissistic love:
It’s easy to recognize and, for sure, it’s one of the most found by us. There are people who only see and run after their own needs and feelings. In the face of any problem, they only appreciate their own point of view and despise, on purpose or not, their spouse.
Perfectionist love:
Characteristic of an obsessive-compulsive personality. There is no room for freedom or spontaneity; any aspect is controlled in the smallest of millimeters, under the idea that “this is the best”, that “this way the relationship will work better”. The opinion of one of the members of the relationship is on the sidelines and is usually not heard by the “perfectionist” member.
Violent love:
One of the most dangerous. There are people who understand that the word “love” is synonymous with control and domination, both physical and psychological. They are people who exercise control aggressively, that’s where contempt, domination and submission usually appear. It is, without a doubt, the most dangerous toxic relationship.
The chaotic love:
It defines, in particular, those emotionally unstable people. They are relationships with huge ups and downs, due to one of the members showing, in equal parts, a love and a huge contempt. There are moments of absolute passion, but days later, indifference comes. A state like this can end up destroying the other person.
Indifferent love:
It is characteristic of people with alexithymia, that is, people who are unable to recognize and express emotions, both their own and others. These are people who are not able to say an “I love you”. They may show closeness or desire, but rarely show a sincere affection that makes the other person really happy.
