Is Seeking Approval From Others A Kind Of Infidelity?

Most of us associate infidelity with cheating, breaking trust, and lying in the context of a relationship. However, is it possible to be unfaithful to yourself? Is it possible to betray the loving bond we have with ourselves? The answer is yes. Leaving ourselves aside and ignoring our opinion to seek approval from others is one way to practice infidelity with ourselves.

Being afraid to show who we are and pretending to be who others want or want has its consequences. The most important of all: hiding and betraying our essence, what makes us unique and unique. Let’s delve a little deeper into this subject. 

What is infidelity?

Infidelity, infidelitas in Latin, occurs when an individual does not respect the loyalty agreed with someone and, thus, betrays their trust. This can happen in many ways, but the most important thing is to take into account what agreements – implicit or explicit – were initially established with the other person to determine the individual and joint meaning of infidelity.

When that happens, the thread of trust between two people is broken. In this way, one of the main pillars that support the bond disappears. It is then that symptoms such as insecurity, irritability, fear, emotional instability and rejection appear.

Maintaining a healthy relationship requires ingredients such as support, trust, protection, security and, above all, total acceptance of yourself and the other. If the recipe is followed correctly, the cake can be delicious.

infidelity with ourselves

Although infidelity is commonly discussed in couple relationships, it is true that it can also occur on a personal level, in the relationship we have with ourselves. We would be surprised to reflect on the times we ignore, overlook, or feel self-conscious in order to seek approval from others.

Self-confidence is a difficult ingredient to come by, especially for people who are constantly struggling between being themselves or adapting to what others expect of them. This last factor can be very powerful if you are afraid of rejection. In fact, many people, in order not to feel rejected, may reject themselves completely.

In such cases, seeking approval from others becomes a priority, and the person attaches little or no importance to one’s beliefs and emotions. In this way, the person is unfaithful to himself, to his tastes, values ​​and preferences, and cultivates the seed of insecurity, which leads to continuous questions about who he is and who he wants to be.

Guilt and the desire to seek the approval of others

Infidelity creates a dangerous game: the person seeks to increase desire, but, at the same time, they feel guilty for the rupture with their own values. Therefore, it is not strange that seeking the approval of others generates an exponential increase in self-esteem and happiness, albeit of a very limited duration.

Approval from others works like the coming and going of waves : one moment it generates this feeling of satisfaction, and the next it takes it away from us, changing social norms. That’s why it’s so important to anchor within us, because what will remain in tune with us is our essence. But what makes us value other people’s opinions more than our own?

The key ingredient in creating and maintaining a bond is acceptance of yourself and the other. The problem is that bonding is often understood as a relationship with another person, and we forget that the first person we need to know how to relate to is ourselves.

Thus, accepting who we are and what we want, despite the possible inadequacy that may exist with what the world demands, is the support of self-confidence, the pillar we can cling to to be true to ourselves.

me and my character

When an infidelity occurs, everything that was believed and planned for the future disappears. Suddenly, reality collapses and distrust sets in as a result of this situation and the disillusionment for a future that no longer exists. In this way, it is normal for a person who has been a victim of infidelity to feel lost.

This is what can happen to us when we begin to realize the betrayal we have committed to ourselves: we feel lost, not knowing what to do or how to act. We’ve been under the guise of a fictional character for so long that the idea of ​​being ourselves creates panic. 

We no longer know what we really want, whether we do it on our own initiative or because others expect something from us. It’s like a struggle between the character we invented and our true essence. A complex battle that, if properly fought, can bear powerful fruit.

However, just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Making peace with our repressed identity is easier than with someone else. After all, whoever will never fail us will be our essence. So take your hands and accept yourself as you accept others.