Nothing You Do Will Be Good For Many People

Don’t do that, don’t stress, don’t embitter your existence, because  nothing you do will be good for many people. But what does it matter? To stop worrying about what is not worth it is to gain in terms of mental health and is, above all, to put an end to these ruminant thoughts that rob us of our energy and tranquility.

We have to admit:  this constant surrender to others is almost a reflex act in many of us. It is like a psychic tendon that for a long time fulfilled a very concrete function in human beings: to be accepted by the group. Because whoever thinks differently or acts out of healthy selfishness, sometimes ends up isolated from the great flock of white sheep. And that can be traumatic for many people.

However, as ironic as it may seem, what we get from giving ourselves constantly and absolutely to others is actually reduced self-esteem and drowned desires. Because just as there are absolute complacents, there are also many unscrupulous predators. Specimens prepared almost instinctively to take advantage of those people for whom the word “NO” does not exist or is prohibited in consciousness.

Believe it or not,  the need to adjust to the expectations of others at every moment is also a form of self-harm. Little by little we enter a complex dynamic where we discover that we are being manipulated, that saying “yes” is already an act of reflex difficult to control. Frustration causes anger, anger causes distress, and distress causes nervous depression.

Nothing is as disheartening as discovering that we are our own enemy, just because we dare not practice healthy selfishness. We propose that you reflect on this .

Whatever you do will not be good in the eyes of many

Falling into the obsession with fulfilling every expectation of our partner, family or boss destroys our mental strength. We are left with few emotional and psychological resources, and we even develop a type of existential anemia where the tissue of our self-esteem is seriously affected.

The most complex part of all this is that  this sacrifice of life is not always rewarded. Not everyone understands reciprocity or appreciates our effort, but we still invest in them. Furthermore, this mental dedication knows no holidays or rests at the end of the journey.

The psychic overload in which the complacent person derives is intensified even more with obsessive thoughts and a miscellany of internal dialogues dominated by the idea that “if I don’t do this it is possible that…” , “I have to do this very well because if is not perfect, it could be that…” .

We have to keep in mind an essential aspect. This continual stress, based on which we increasingly take on more demands than we can handle, often ends up in the cycle of depression. Albert Ellis, famous cognitive psychotherapist, reminds us that this vital suffering is not only due to those people who demand us, who demand perfection and poisoned favors. It is we, with our irrational beliefs, who further intensify a suffering that could be avoided.

One of those irrational beliefs is to think that the approval of others validates us as a person. It’s possible that we’ve been made to believe this since we were children. However,  growing, maturing and evolving is to get a little closer to yourself  to discover that the only person we should never let down is ourselves.

So, the sooner we understand that sometimes what we do is not going to be good for many, the better. We will be able to go to bed with a clear conscience, without any weight, without anxieties. It’s a great way to invest in quality of life.

whatever you do, make you happy

It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a knack for telling jokes. Even if you refused to pursue that career your parents dreamed of. It also doesn’t matter that your best friends can be contacted on the fingers of one hand or that when you laugh, you laugh outrageously. Nothing matters as long as you are YOU in all of your essence, YOU in every word spoken, every act performed .

When a person has the courage to let go of complacency, that authentic, full, and wonderful being that we all carry within emerges. And whoever doesn’t like to turn their backs. Anyone who doesn’t like it goes the opposite way. Because as long as there is respect, there will be coexistence. However, as we said earlier, the first step is to respect ourselves.

Let’s explain how you can achieve this.

How to stop being a complacent person

A compliant person is one of the kindest beings that can exist. Others know this, and often take advantage of it. This is exactly what we are taught in the book  “Healthy Selfishness: How to Take Care of Yourself Without Feeling Guilty”  by Richard and Rachel Heller, where they also describe the mental and physical exhaustion that this type of behavioral profile usually leads to.

• The first step to stop nurturing this selflessness in relation to others is to find ourselves again. There are people who take so long helping, caring and pleasing others that they have completely forgotten what their passions were, what their desires were. What identified them.

• The second step, once we become aware of our interests and desires, is to start practicing healthy selfishness. For that,  remember the following rule: dare to say “YES” without fear and “NO” without guilt .

It will be difficult at first. Acts of reflex don’t just disappear like that. However, keep this simple advice in mind: allow a few minutes to pass between the request of the person making the request and your response, and make it happy.

This will be the moment when you will have ceased to be a complacent.

Images courtesy of Isabelle Arsenault, Kristin Vestgard