You Are More Than Your Mistakes

For some reason, many of us have become our own judges, our fiercest critics. We judge and condemn ourselves for every little mistake, every wrong step, and every missed goal. We forced ourselves to carry the brunt of that “failure” for years. If you were aware of the damage this attitude causes to your self-esteem, you would drop this habit. You are more than your mistakes, so stop identifying with them.

We have a bad habit of labeling ourselves, defining ourselves, giving us adjectives through which we construct a concept of ourselves. When you stop to think, you find that throughout the day you have talked about yourself at various times, but not always in a positive way. When I say “talk” I also mean internal dialogue.

Labels are never adequate, as they limit us; however, this is even more evident when we get used to defining ourselves based on our negative qualities and experiences. “I’ve always been a bad student” , “I’m not lucky in love” , “since I was little I’ve been shy and ashamed” . How is it possible to feel good about yourself when we define ourselves that way?

you are more than your mistakes

We create expectations for ourselves in different areas of our lives and are likely to identify with the laurels gained in each of them. In this way, when these self-imposed goals are not met, our identity is severely injured. We feel incapable and insufficient and forget that our essence, our intrinsic value, has nothing to do with our performance in specific situations.

You are more than the classmates who didn’t welcome you to school. It’s more than the love relationship that didn’t work out. It’s more than that job you weren’t selected for or that job you were fired from. You are more than the friendships lost along the way and you are more than the fears you still can’t get over.

You are not what others think of you, nor are you the arguments you lost control of. It’s not those times you tried and failed, much less the times you chose not to risk it. You are more than that suspension, more than the clumsiness you committed or the damage you allowed to be done to you. Your past does not define you ; it was an apprenticeship and not a life sentence. You are more than your mistakes.

Avoid identifying with outsiders

When we form our identity and measure our worth based on our external successes, we relinquish the power we have over ourselves. Perhaps, for you, family is paramount and you see yourself as a mother or a wife. But what would happen if one day your marriage ended? Perhaps for someone else, the professional field is the most relevant and, thus, it is defined in terms of the job. But what happens if one day this person is fired?

It is very dangerous to base our foundations on something outside of ourselves, on something beyond our control. That’s because, if you base your identity solely on your profession or your family, at some point you may become “the divorced and unemployed person”. In this case, the feeling of failure will be immense. So it will be really difficult to move forward.

Every mistake is a stepping stone to success.

The healthiest thing is to remember that your value is intrinsic, unconditional and doesn’t depend on anything. When success comes, you will understand that it is more than your mistakes and begin to see them as lessons learned. When you love yourself, accept yourself, and value yourself unconditionally, every stumbling block is recoverable because it doesn’t affect your perception of yourself.

You are still you, that valuable you, even if you make a mistake, get scared or fall down. Mistakes, then, cease to have this extreme importance and become lessons that help you to improve. Each “failure” becomes a stepping stone to success, as it makes you wiser and more experienced than you were before.

Resilient people, by definition, achieve more success and happiness because they are able to come out of adversity transformed. We can only achieve this when we understand that change is part of the path, that there is nothing more human than to go wrong. May your mistakes or successes not define you! Remember that you are unconditionally valuable.