The Prince And The Swallow, A Story About Attachment

With this story about the role attachment plays in a marriage, we want to reflect on the mechanisms of this bond that causes us so much pain. It affects us deeply when we try to control and dominate the other, using love as an excuse.

What is the difference between love and attachment? Why are we confused? How does attachment negatively influence our relationships?

The prince spent his days looking out the window waiting for something new to happen. There was only one servant who was in charge of shopping and keeping the castle clean. “What a boring life,” he sighed.

One April morning, a swallow landed on her window. “Oh, what a delicate little creature,” said the prince. The swallow presented him with a short melody and left. He was amazed: his singing seemed to be the most beautiful in the world and his plumage the most original. A unique being!

the swallow returned

The prince eagerly awaited his return. The long awaited day arrived and the swallow returned to sing another song. He was very happy and just before the swallow flew off again he asked himself: “Is she cold?

The third time the bird came back, the prince worried that she was hungry. Over the next few days, he devoted himself to building a house for the swallow. He sent his servant to buy wood, nails and hunt insects. Finally, after several clumsy attempts, he demanded that the servant build the house. “Cursed bird,” muttered the servant.

He placed the insects, water, and silk fabrics inside the house to make a bed. When he saw her resting on the windowsill, he approached the house and watched as she drank the water and enjoyed the food he had prepared. “Do you like these insects, my sweet swallow? I hunted them for you.” With a brief trill the swallow seemed to agree and resumed its flight.

The prince needs to deal with uncertainty

The swallow did not return and the prince was invaded by anxiety. What if she never comes back? What if I find a better home? Perhaps other princes built better houses and hunted the insects. I couldn’t allow it. There wasn’t a swallow like this in the world!

The prince spent two days without sleep and without thinking about anything else, until he decided to manufacture a lockable door for the small house. When the swallow returned and went in to taste the food, the prince locked the door. “I love you, you will never lack water, food and you will not be cold,” he said.

A little confused, the swallow let himself be carried away, at first for comfort. He enjoyed the warmth of his new home and had food within reach, not needing to sniff through the plantations to get it.

The prince placed the cage on his bedside table to greet the swallow each morning upon awakening. “You are my swallow, sing a beautiful song for me,” he would say. “This life is not so bad”, thought the swallow and sang beautifully. But as time went by, her music faded away, until she fell silent.

the swallow lost its song

– “Don’t you sing anymore?” – asked the surprised prince. “You made me very happy when you sang.”

– “My song was inspired by the flow of the river, the sound of the wind in the trees, the reflection of the moon on the rocks of the mountains. I was happy, but now in this cage, I find no reason to sing.”

– “I do this because I love you”  – said the prince. “It’s dangerous to walk around alone. What if an accident happens? What if I can’t find food? What if a hunter shoots you?”

– “Who? What is a hunter?” – she questioned.

– “I take care of you and protect you, here you are safe from any danger.”

One day, the prince woke up with a start. He went to pet the swallow and found it dead.

Very angry, she called her servant and dismissed him, because surely one of the insects he had hunted had killed her. The fact that he had found a culprit did not comfort him; he felt even more alone and helpless than before the swallow had appeared. Until another swallow landed at his window and sang a song: the most beautiful song he had ever heard.

Exaggerated attachment ends love

Attachment can confuse us and exaggerate the qualities of the loved one ; we come to believe that he is a unique and irreplaceable being. This increases our anxiety as we imagine their possible loss. With the excuse of protection or well-being, we can deprive the other of their freedom.

This is a story about attachment, but it’s also a love story.  To love is to accept and respect the other’s way of being, wishing for their happiness before thinking about our needs. You have to let it fly like the swallows, if you need to and that makes you happy.