My Problem Is To Expect From Others The Actions I Would Take

The source of many of our disappointments lies in expecting others to act as we would. We expect the same sincerity, the same altruism and reciprocity, yet the values ​​that define our hearts are not the same ones that inhabit other people’s minds.

When we expect others to act on our expectations

Fathers and mothers who expect their children to act in a certain way, couples who expect their partners to do exactly what they want, and friends who expect us to support them in exactly what they do, even if at times they do things that go against our values. All of these situations have in common that they are clear examples of what is known as the curse of expectations.

In some cases, there are those who come to believe that what they think, feel and judge as correct is almost like a rule, and even puts such high expectations regarding the concept of relationship, friendship, love or family, that no one is it never manages to reach the said norms and, therefore, the disappointment affects everyone. The answer, as always, is in balance, and above all in the need to be realistic.

It is clear that there are certain types of expectations that fall within what is considered normal, what is to be expected. Do not betray, be sincere, respectful, be faithful…. All of these are basic pillars that sustain positive and healthy relationships. However, when someone becomes obsessed with the perfection of the bond, whether in affective, paternal, maternal, filial or friendship matters, frustration, resentment or even anger arise. It’s something to take into account.

How to stop expecting too much from others

Nobody is naive because they want and like to always see the good in people. We have the right to see him, to seek him out and even to encourage him, but with a certain caution, with a certain prudence. Because disappointment is the sister of great expectations, and so it will always be more appropriate not to be dazzled beforehand and to use the lenses that bring objectivity and the most serene realism.

We can expect a lot from others, however, the best thing is always to expect even more from ourselves. People are as complex as they are necessary for us, and just as others can let us down, so too can we fail others. Thus, it is more appropriate to reflect on this dimension that, without a shadow of a doubt, will be of great help to us.

Tips that will help us stop expecting too much from other people

To help you stop expecting too much from the people around you, we offer the following tips:

• Nobody is perfect, not even us. If we had to live up to the expectations that others have of us and vice versa, we would fall into a stressful and unhappy dynamic. It’s impossible; no one is an example of perfection or absolute virtue. We just need to respect each other and exercise reciprocity in the most humble way possible.

• Learn to differentiate between expectations and dependence. In some cases, we make other people responsible for our own happiness. We build high expectations for someone concrete because we are dependent on what these people offer us, and so we demand and need them to act as we want because it is the only way for us to feel good, even if it causes great suffering for the other person.

• Accept that we won’t always get something in return. This is an aspect that characterizes a lot of people: if I do you a favor, I expect you to return it to me. If I always show openness and an ear for conversation, I expect others to do the same. Well, whether we like it or not, these things don’t always happen, and the fact that they are that way is neither good nor bad: it just is. The point is to accept others as they are.

To conclude, perhaps William James, whom we quoted at the beginning, was quite right with his simple proposal: the less we expect from others, the more surprises we can have. It’s simply about allowing ourselves to be a little freer and less dependent on other people’s behavior.

T ll we fail, we are all wonderfully imperfect beings trying to live in a world of chance chaotic where disappointments are inevitable, but which also inhabit the sincere love and friendships that never perish.