Why Do You Punish Yourself If It Doesn’t Do Any Good?
Self-punishment is useless. This irrational anger with yourself, this way of treating yourself with contempt whenever you feel shame or lack of control, or whenever you fail or experience rejection from others, is useless and unhealthy.
Self-punishment also implies self-inflicted injuries, insults directed at oneself, isolation and a feeling of not being worthy of others. However, you don’t solve anything when you punish yourself.
You may know all this, but you still don’t know what to do to stop punishing yourself, how to get out of this destructive self-attack cycle into a constructive pattern of behavior.
Why is it so hard not to punish yourself?
Self-punishment is so persistent because it’s a defense against the pain of life. And life is full of pain.
We all have strong needs to connect with others, to be accepted, to achieve success and approval. But we face the reality that sometimes others reject us, are disappointed in us, and put their needs above our own. The people we love suffer and die, and our dreams don’t always come true.
When we feel this pain we take energy from it because we are willing to do something about it. This energy can be experienced internally in the form of anger or anger. This motivates us to seek inner peace and overcome pain, it drives us to go out and try to get what we want or need.
However, when we are again cast down, ignored, despised or attacked for trying to satisfy our needs, the need for self-punishment may appear. The same can happen if we neglect to seek that peace to overcome pain.
This makes the person feel insecure or useless, and the anger and anger eventually turn against the person. At that point, she starts thinking of herself as the cause of the problem. Guilt makes a person reject himself and feel the need to punish himself.
Why self-punishment is useless?
These self-attacks are not seen as a threat, but as a form of hope that hopes that, with the pain, the problem will be alleviated. But these punishments do not solve anything and leave the person dejected and isolated.
A person becomes so familiar with this habit of attacking himself that he begins to feel this action as a permanent part of who he is.
This anger at oneself can consume a person and prevent him from being present and committed to his own life. Her relationships, her connections with herself and with others will further affirm the need for self-punishment, in a continuous cycle that is increasingly difficult to overthrow.
How to get rid of self-punishment?
To begin with, you must recognize that self-punishment can be deeply ingrained. In fact, you may feel the need to punish yourself even more when you discover how deeply she has silenced your pain. But that shouldn’t stop you, and you should be honest with yourself.
You must focus beyond self-esteem. If you could find self-love and acceptance, you wouldn’t have come to this, it’s true, but you have to start somewhere. Creating a more positive sense of yourself is very important to improving your well-being.
In addition to the need to punish yourself, you need to get help to relieve your pain, you also need a way to channel your anger. If you can’t do it alone, look for someone to support you and guide you on this journey.
You also need to experience the comforting feeling of calm, as a preliminary step to learning to relax when you feel the need to turn your anger against yourself.
Finally, it is important that you learn to experience compassion for the pain of others and that you learn to value human needs. Only then will you be able to experience self-directed compassion and begin to value yourself.
In time, you will find that you have the resilience to deal with real-life pain and the ability to identify and pursue what you want and need. You will bravely release self-punishment and direct your energy back to the world.
Original text in Spanish by Eva Maria Rodriguez
