Betrayal, An Oversized Wound

For most people, betrayal is an unforgivable act that causes a great wound and usually leaves deep marks. This topic has become almost taboo. After a betrayal, there is nothing more to talk about, because everything has already been said. Apparently, nothing justifies it and nothing repairs it.

However, this radical stance sometimes fails to let us see certain nuances that are important. For example, there are situations in which we classify as betrayal something that it is not.

We may come to judge too harshly some inconsistencies in others that actually didn’t do us so much harm beyond breaking some of our expectations.

It takes coolness and maturity to put betrayal in its true place. It is obvious that it is not pleasant for anyone to be confused by someone else’s totally unexpected behavior.

This disillusionment that often occurs is more related to ourselves than to the other person’s way of acting.

What is betrayal?

We speak of treason when someone fails to keep his word or is not faithful to a previously agreed upon pact. Etymologically, the word “traitor” comes from the Latin traditor or traditoris , which means ‘one who hands someone over to another gang’.

As you can see, this is a word that comes from military tradition. In a literal sense, it would be something like turning someone over to the enemy.

In everyday life, we speak of betrayal when someone who appears to be on our side suddenly says something or acts in a way that stands against us. We thought the person was on our side and suddenly we see that this is not the case.

However, this “being on our side” is sometimes very ambiguous, as is the idea of ​​“being against us”. Being on our side can mean a thousand things, from being an accomplice in our mistakes to respecting our integrity.

Likewise, being against us is something that can be widely understood, ranging from denouncing our mistakes to trying to destroy us, to not living up to our expectations.

The pacts and the wound of betrayal

When there is a relationship of love or friendship, it is very common for the boundaries to be blurred. There are some pacts or commitments, but these are rarely explicit. Basically, it is considered that if the bond is positive, there will be no place to get hurt.

However, as we stated before, “doing harm” is a rather subjective topic. The most typical case is that of the famous “love betrayal”. The question in this circumstance is: does the loving pact mean keeping the feeling regardless of any circumstance?

Maybe that’s the intention, but it must be seen that this is a very difficult goal to achieve. Feelings have their cycles. Sometimes they can be positively transformed. Other times, they simply dissolve or turn into something negative.

In this terrain there are no certainties, however much it is guaranteed that they will. It’s possible to keep the bond in the name of a commitment, but that doesn’t mean the feelings haven’t changed.

Thus, a person can feel disappointed and betrayed when their partner’s feelings change. The question that fits here is whether the problem lies with who eventually experiences a feeling differently and acts accordingly, or who hopes that it will never happen.

Facts and circumstances surrounding the wound of betrayal

Many people guarantee that they are able to understand any change in their partner’s feelings, as long as they are sincere and express themselves in time. However, reality shows that this rarely happens.

If one of the two is in love and the other stops loving, for those who continue to love it is very difficult to assimilate this new asymmetry. The situation is even more complicated when there is an attraction to a third person.

Therefore, it is not uncommon to hide what is happening. The real intention is not to deceive, but to avoid feelings of guilt for the harm that is caused to the other or for the storm that this can unleash.

Of course there are also cynics and manipulators who enjoy playing with others’ feelings, but in reality they are a minority.

It can be very beneficial to try to relax our thinking a little on the subject of betrayal or what we lightly call betrayal. In this case, the circumstances are often more important than the facts themselves.

It is possible that, behind what we call betrayal, there is only one other person who does not always agree with what we hope or want.