Even The Strongest Heart Is Tired Of Being Mistreated

Even the strongest personality gets tired of being mistreated, boycotted and manipulated. Because a strong heart is not a cold heart, much less immune to malice and affection with ulterior motives. We all have limits; however, the personalities used to “resisting” are the ones who suffer the most, the ones who take the longest to react.

Something that is often  misunderstood is that the emotionally strong person is someone who knows how to control their feelings. Nowadays, despite the ease with which we deal with the terms associated with “emotional intelligence”, we still hold misconceptions, such as thinking that emotions, for example, are the opposite of reason.

When imagining a strong heart, we almost instantly visualize a person barricaded behind strong armor, someone who keeps a cool head and a steady gaze to maintain control over this complex, sometimes painful and demanding world that is the universe of emotions and feelings. However, the strong personality does not always have this kind of psychological architecture.

Resistance or emotional strength often responds to a person’s personal commitment to others. It is to stand firm to help when others fall, trying to always be helpful, close. They are profiles that rise like the mast of a boat on a stormy night, they are the pillar where everyone leans, the rock where everyone puts their feet to cross the rivers…

They look strong, until one day they break or just get tired. We propose that you reflect on this .

Heart tired of being strong

Often,  when a person turns to therapy for help, the first thing they express is their tiredness. They feel an exhaustion they have never experienced before, they are overwhelmed, exasperated, and with a clear sense of having reached the limit of their strength. Their medical exams do not reveal any health problems, however, they have lost “their vital breath”.

Something that we should make very clear about psychological intervention or psychotherapy is that it is not just people with unstable personalities who request it, it is not just profiles with clinical needs or patients who need adequate strategies to manage their emotions and problems.

Sometimes  people come in who are well aware that their stress level has exceeded them. They are up to date with different coping mechanisms, they know mindfulness and other tools they tried to apply without getting any benefit. Their capacity for performance and self-care has been so diluted by fatigue that they are unable to recognize themselves in the mirror. But I was a very strong person! What happened with me?

What happened is your brain said ‘enough’. When we go a little deeper into their personal realities,  we always discover the great excess of responsibility that they carry on their shoulders, on their heart. In fact, more than strong people, they are personalities used to practicing extreme and unhygienic resistance, where there is no self-protection.

They are women and men used to silencing their needs in order to show strength and, thus, to be that constant and always lasting light for others. However,  what they often get in return is bitterness, selfishness and loneliness.

Simple advice for people tired of being strong

Let’s visualize for a moment a treadmill. The person who needs to be strong has become used to keeping a very high pace in terms of speed and demand in his life. She feels proud of herself, her heart is very strong, and she thinks she can keep up this rhythm for her whole life.

However, sooner or later the cramps, pain and exhaustion arrive. The treadmill keeps moving at the same intensity, the people around you continue with the same level of demand and demand without seeing the bad state of your colleague, family member, partner or friend. However,  our protagonist has reached the limit and doesn’t know how to stop this treadmill, this destructive spiral.

What should we do in this case? Slow down, reduce intensity? Absolutely. The best thing in this situation is to stop: our hearts need to recover.

it’s time to take care of yourself

You don’t need a break or stop along the way. You need to be strong for yourself and not just for others, and for that you must make changes, focus on the vital and daily crossroads in a more harmonious, consistent and healthy way.

Take a few seconds to think about the following proposals:

• Renounce conflicts, problems or situations that cannot be resolved. You’ve wasted a lot of time and energy on things and people that aren’t worth it.

• Don’t expect people to act the way you would. This is a strong characteristic of frustration.

• Start becoming aware of your needs, listen to them every day and prioritize them.

Remember, above all, that you are not a hero. Your role is not to make the impossible possible, you are neither a wizard nor a bridge architect in a place where there are no benches. You also cannot save the impossible or give happiness to those who do not know what joy, respect or reciprocity is.

Learn to take care of yourself emotionally, learn to be strong for your own person too.

Images courtesy of Sasha Salmina