How Can I Connect Better With People?

What do we need to better connect with people? What should we do to create impact, thrill and leave that indelible mark with which to build lasting relationships?

At some point in our lives, all of us have wanted to decipher this mystery that surrounds human relationships, this enigma that shapes the psychology of connection and that fascinates us so much.

We can ask ourselves what “connect” really means, because if we look in the dictionary for this term, we will find definitions such as: “putting two things in contact (devices, systems) so that a reaction or some kind of communication between them is generated” .

Of course the people are not machines, but interestingly, our brain has an electrical activity.

The human being connects through emotion. Each of us, as Carl Jung would say, reacts and transforms when we connect with certain people who stimulate us. 

Our relationships, therefore, are the result of a fascinating mechanism of chemical and electrical reactions that help us bond.

Human beings need these connections not only to share spaces, interests or goals. There is an inherent need to socialize, to find reference figures who can provide us with their friendship, their affection, their unconditional support.

Abraham Maslow placed affiliation needs at the third level of his pyramid, thus reflecting their importance, their transcendence towards our self-actualization.

Effective keys to better connect with people

Sometimes we start a conversation with someone with the intention that they will like us, hoping to create a positive connection that allows us to build a bond of trust and affinity. We do this when, for example, someone attracts us.

However, we also pursue this purpose to make friends or even win over clients at a work level, or to create good partnerships with co-workers at a business level.

Most of us would like to master these keys perfectly to effectively connect with people. It is true that sometimes this connection flows alone and spontaneously. However, this subtle magic doesn’t always emerge by itself.

At times, we are the ones who need to facilitate it to break the ice, to, with proper social skills, make the gears of relationships work. So let’s reflect on the strategies that can help us. Are the following:

calm and open internal

We know that our brain has an innate need to socially connect with those around us.

Studies such as the one carried out by Dr. Michael Lieberman, from New York University, for example, reveal that  the sensation of pain experienced by the brain when perceiving loneliness can be even more intense than the experience of a blow or a wound.

We need to interact and relate to our surroundings to form meaningful bonds, but how to achieve this?

A first step is to understand something very simple. Sometimes we focus all our attention on being nice or making a good impression and forget about our internal emotional state.

If we are nervous or feel anxious, we project the same to the person in front of us. The ideal is to start from a state of calm and inner security. Only when we are okay with ourselves can we open up to others to do our best, to captivate and connect.

Genuine interest and authenticity

Another key to connecting better with people is being able to show a genuine interest in others. Beyond what we might think, it’s not easy to apply this social art.

There are those who force it excessively, giving rise to falsehood, an attitude or behavior that creates more distance than proximity.

We must be authentic, sincere, humble and, above all, empathetic. The genuine person uses a smile, relaxed communication, respects distances, listens and is interested in what he hears in order to respond accordingly.

Remember that the human connection will only work if there is honesty.

Trust and small confidences

An ideal strategy to better connect with people is to  be able to establish a trust-based scenario. One way to achieve this is through a technique well known to great speakers. It is simply a matter of revealing a confidence.

It is neither necessary nor convenient to put an intimacy out loud, it is about entrusting to the other something of ourselves that awakens the empathy of others.

An example of this would be phrases like: “I’m going to tell you a secret, the truth is I’m very nervous”, “something very curious happened to me a few days ago…”, “you won’t believe it, but when I was a kid…”

In conclusion, there is no surefire secret to connecting better with people. It is just a matter of making use of a wide range of strategies that create closeness and well-being for the dialogue to flow.

The most important thing is to start from an internal well-being  in which there is no anxiety, where insecurity is minimal and where we are limited to simply enjoying social interaction. It’s easier than we think.