How To Control Perfectionism
Perfectionists feel more frustrated than other people because everything must be flawless and perfect. They pay attention to details, have a mania for organization, responsibility and extreme dedication to the tasks. The purpose of this article is to eliminate perfectionism, or at least lessen it a little. You cannot live happily and in peace if your level of demand is too high. Below are four techniques that can help you.
1- Play “not being perfect”
It’s an interesting and fun exercise. It is not necessary to change your “way of being”, but to do some tasks that are not so important in a calmer way, without so much perfectionism. For example, if until now you’ve cooked perfectly, paying attention to every detail, even when serving, it’s time to relax.
Why must the omelet be perfect? If it’s irregular or broken, nothing will happen. The taste will be the same and you will have the opportunity to realize that happiness is not measured by the things you do good or bad, but by the pleasure of doing. If the most important thing is the beauty and not the flavor of the omelet, you will be a slave to perfectionism.
Another example is the relationship between women and makeup. Many women are unable to leave the house if they are not immaculately made up: makeup on the face, eyeliner and eye mascara, and lipstick to highlight the lips. Without this makeup routine they don’t feel good. The exercise could be removing some of that makeup for a day. How about, just for not wearing eye liner today? What can happen?
We don’t need to worry so much about appearance; people who love us accept us with or without makeup. Those who do not accept and criticize us should stay out of our lives. Although you feel that you need to look good to be valued, in reality you are the one who doesn’t approve of yourself. People value us for who we are; the problem is with you and not with others. If you accept yourself, others will accept you too. Each one must investigate in which aspects of their life they are acting with perfectionism and changing their behavior.
If before you didn’t leave the house if everything wasn’t in order, now leave; if you wore makeup even to go to the beach, don’t use it anymore; if you used to hide from your own neighbors because you believed you didn’t look good, now go talk to them and act naturally. If you were hiding the photos you didn’t like and choosing the best ones to show, now show them all. Who has never had fun looking at a photo album? If to put a picture on the wall, you take the measurements millimetrically so that it is perfect, now choose by intuition. The result can be very good.
If you clean the house every day, go out and do other tasks. Allow yourself to leave a few things out of place and you will see that nothing bad will happen. You will be happier and have more free time to spend on yourself and leisure activities. All these examples we propose here must be carried out with common sense and balance; extremes are very harmful. We shouldn’t be perfectionists or too relaxed.
2- Release errors and imperfections
When they make mistakes, perfectionists are brooding over their thoughts; they don’t accept the mistake and keep thinking they could have done better. In many situations we can’t go back, so forget about it and move on. Remember that error is a thing of the past. It’s no use suffering for it; nothing is going to change. Realize that, thanks to this mistake, you’ll do better next time.
3- Change focus
Usually the perfectionist focuses his attention on defects and how to improve. Shift your attention from “improving and improving” to “feeling and enjoying” the situation. Feelings and emotions are more important than striving for perfection.
4- See “the whole” and not the details
Perfectionists are very detail oriented. This makes them always see defects, because perfection doesn’t exist. If we stop to look closely, we will always find something wrong. Learn to look at the big picture; this will help eliminate perfectionism. How can we look at things in general? Look at the main content and not the details.
For example, imagine a painting exhibition. The ideal is to appreciate the artwork as a whole, look at the image from an appropriate distance, and appreciate the content of the painting. In this situation, a perfectionist wants to look and see the details of the work. Details such as excess paint, some imperfection in the frame, etc. Nothing escapes your critical eye. In this way, the most important thing is lost: to appreciate the work as a whole and understand the artist’s message.
Details are not important. To eliminate perfectionism, let go of the small details and focus on the artwork. It doesn’t matter if the image has some imperfections, if the frame has some scratches; the important thing is to enjoy the painting.
Perfectionists are always dissatisfied and enjoy life little. Your negative emotional state does not allow you to look at the essentials. As the little prince said, “The essential is invisible to the eyes”.
The happiest people are not perfectionists. They know that nothing is perfect and that we are here to enjoy and learn new things. We are not perfect machines, but evolving human beings.
As psychologist David Burns put it, “In trying to reach for the stars, perfectionists can end up chasing the wind.”
