If It’s Not Under Our Control, It Can’t Hurt Us!

” If it’s not under our control, it can’t hurt us !” This sentence changed my way of seeing life. I read it in the book “The Art of Living”, a fantastic book that talks about the teachings of the philosopher Epictetus. This quote had great value when I read it because, in general, we charge ourselves a lot, and when we get frustrated it is because of something that was not under our control.

What do you mean under our control?

Being a good person, studying hard, dedicating yourself to work, treating people politely… are things that are under our control. They depend solely on us. We can and must do our best and evolve more and more to be how we want to be. However, making people like us, being the best student in the class, receiving the title of employee of the month… are things that are not under our control. These things shouldn’t hurt us, shouldn’t be the difference for us to be happy. We have to work for our OWN MERIT. We are the ones who should be proud of what we’ve done, not others.

To explain a little better, under our control are our opinions, desires, our likes and dislikes, our dreams. We can choose what we want for our lives and how we want to behave in life. On the other hand, we cannot choose external factors such as our body type, whether we were born rich, the way others see us and our position in society. These things are not up to us!

You can be an educated, hardworking and happy person. And there may (and will) be people who won’t like you. Maybe the “nicer” you are, the more people will feel repulsed by you. Okay, it’s an external factor. But it’s up to you whether or not it hurts your heart. If you want and do everything possible to be polite, hardworking and happy, that’s what really matters.

The moment you think you can master external factors, or try to take on other people’s issues that are not your own, you become a frustrated person. You will be looking for recognition, joy and pleasure in the wrong place.

You see, this has to do with the relationship you have with yourself. You need to study yourself and decide how you would really like to be. And then, do everything in your power to be, change, and feel proud of yourself. This has to do with self-love. And having self-love, we will certainly be better people for ourselves, for others and for the world.

From now on, whenever you feel sad about a situation, check if it was something that was under your control.

And most importantly, what is under your control is your reaction to the facts. Reaction is more important than events. How you react to events is entirely up to you. Do you want to be a positive person, who sees life with good eyes and who takes advantage of events always looking for new opportunities? So be!

When we really learn not to care about what is not under our control, and not to do things just thinking about who is watching us, when we discover that there is no indirect merit, and that what really counts is our own recognition, we we make people who do not speak ill of others, happy and fulfilled people, and we find enthusiasm for life. For our work will bring joy to our own hearts!

Much peace, and good energy to everyone.