Psychology Of Attraction: What Brings Us Together With The People We Love
If we take a moment to think about what attracts us about the people we love, many questions will arise. What brought us closer to our partner? What helps us sustain this relationship? Because we are friends? Why do we fall in love?
We probably won’t be able to answer these questions correctly, because usually affection arises without us noticing. However, social psychology gives us some data about the psychological ingredients that promote attraction.
Three Ingredients of the Attraction Formula
To understand the psychological chemistry that binds us to the people we love, we find three key ingredients that make us feel attracted to them, welcome them, and feel emotionally close.
1- Proximity: coexistence favors love
Before a relationship starts, it is necessary for two people to be close. Being close to someone and feeling him present in our lives makes us feel great affection for him.
According to scholars, physical proximity is very important at the beginning of a relationship, because it promotes a sense of familiarity and security and makes us feel comfortable with the people around us.
This emotional response is due to the exposure effect, which helps us determine what is familiar, safe, accessible and desirable. In other words, over time, the mere presence of these PEOPLE makes us feel “AT HOME”.
2- Physical attraction: start loving someone and you will find them more beautiful
It’s not just physical and emotional closeness; it also takes the combination of other ingredients, such as physical attraction, to materialize the union of two souls.
The physical aspect is not the only ingredient that is taken into account for a physical attraction to take place. People’s sincerity, intelligence and personality affect us positively. There are some studies that show that physical appearance is not the most important thing.
It can be disconcerting, but the physical aspect affects us at first, when we meet someone. This is because through the physical aspect we assess whether the person is happy, sensitive or sociable. In this sense,. (This fact we call the halo effect).
This may seem unfair and petty, but in reality it is not. Why? Because as we get to know a person and enjoy being around them, we notice fewer physical imperfections and physical attraction increases.
As Shakespeare wrote in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, “Love does not see with the eyes, but with the mind” .
3- Similarity increases love
We often observe that love is more lasting when people love each other and have many things in common, and that we become friends with those we identify with.
Thinking, feeling and having similar interests unites us. Of course, it’s impossible to match 100% on everything; this would be very annoying and irritating. It would be very difficult to live with a person so like us.
Proximity, attraction and similarity are not the only ingredients that help us build a relationship. We like people who like us (especially if we have a negative self-image), with whom we have a loving relationship.
Probably to give a special touch to love, when we meet someone special we need certain intangible ingredients : a mixture of longings, feelings and good energies. This mixture is undoubtedly the secret ingredient that defines the bond between two people.
