Relationship Crisis Or Permanent Breakup?

A relationship crisis is often a very difficult time. On the other hand, not all crises end in termination.

When it comes to a couple that has already gone through several crises, it can be difficult to know if they are going through a moment of uncertainty/confrontation again or if they are definitely broken and only the ashes remain.

Thus, there are different types of crises in the relationship and also different types of breakups. The main difference between a crisis and an end is that the latter constitutes a final point. But, before continuing, let’s finish the definition.

When we talk about relationship crisis, we are referring to a situation of high tension, in which a temporary distancing usually takes place. When we talk about a breakup, however, we are facing a situation of separation in which people break the bonds that unite them.

So, there are differences between the two situations. The tricky thing is that sometimes differences only materialize when time passes and changes start to be more noticeable in one direction or another.

On the other hand, not knowing whether a crisis will end or not creates a potentially anxious/distressing uncertainty. That’s why, in this article, we’re going to talk about how to know if you’re in a relationship crisis or a final breakup. 

Different types of relationship crises

Problems are often the most common triggers of a crisis. Seizures can also follow an infidelity, the birth of a child, or a major loss. All these reasons give rise to different crises, which can be more or less long.

Among the most complicated crises to overcome, we find those that started or materialized after an infidelity. This is because, with her, what usually happens is the loss of trust and complicity with the other. The victim feels cheated, betrayed, and it is also easy to lose self-esteem and the desire to control the other, and can become obsessive.

On the other hand, the crises that occur due to the evolution of the relationship are the ones that can be solved more easily, they are less difficult to be overcome. For example, we refer to crises that happen simply because of time and natural changes in the relationship: such as the beginning of a relationship or the birth of a child. In these cases, the bond and union were not attacked.

Relationship crisis in the face of definitive termination

The couple’s background and history say a lot about the crisis or breakup situation. In the case of a couple that has already gone through many crises, there can be such an important strain on the relationship that it can lead to a permanent end. 

Contrary to what is commonly believed and thought that “it’s just another crisis” , when there is already a history of separations or temporary endings, there is exhaustion that produces the feeling that the couple lives in a kind of eternal return to suffering.

In other words, repeated crises generate learned helplessness, and this can lead to a permanent breakup, as one of the couple may start to think that “there is no more fixing” .

The reason for the separation is also an important aspect. Crises that are the result of infidelity often end in endings: betrayal is devastating to a couple’s trust and planning for a future together.

An infidelity gives rise to a crisis in the relationship, which if not managed correctly and in the proper time, can lead to a permanent end. The ability to forgive and rebuild can be exhausted. 

Furthermore, if the reasons for the crisis are living problems or household chores, it is more likely that it will not end. However, if we are facing a crisis due to coexistence problems, we may also be facing a situation of great emotional distress that can indeed lead to a separation.

The four horsemen of the apocalypse in love relationships

Especially when a couple shows important signs of incompatibility, we may think that we are facing a definite break-up.

In this case, we are referring to the “four horsemen of the apocalypse” that Dr. John Gottman described after years of research into romantic relationships. These four signs are often closely associated with permanent separations. We will explain them below.

The four most important signs that point to an end are: destructive criticism (both giving and receiving), defensiveness, contempt for others, and evasive attitude.

Thus, the presence of any of these attitudes or communication patterns in the relationship informs us that we are going through a delicate moment; so that it can, yes, end in termination.