Silence In Doses: A Form Of Manipulation
Silence in doses can be a form, like many others, of passive aggression. It is defined as a calculated control of communication in which silence plays a fundamental role and is intended to control and weaken the other person or their position. It is not always manipulated through words. Manipulation also takes place through silences. This last strategy is very harmful for using a more chameleon mask.
It’s called silence in doses because it’s not constant, like when someone ignores you or stops talking to you . In this type of manipulation, the encounter is mixed with the mismatch, the expression and lack of it. All of this happens in an arbitrary way. It is the manipulator who decides the pace of communication in pursuit of his interest for whom the other is only an instrument.
As silence is a form of expression that is very ambiguous, it is more common for the victim to feel very confused or distressed. She doesn’t know what to think and spends a lot of time and emotional energy trying to guess what each silence means. She feels insecure and hesitates before taking any steps. Often, she ends up thinking that she is the one with a problem, or that she doesn’t know how to interpret or that she gives an exaggerated importance to silences.
How does dose silence manifest itself?
Silence in doses manifests itself in many ways. A very common one happens when the manipulator tries to get you to talk about everything first. It’s not a courtesy. The person lets you talk to probe their life, to get information about you and to study the situation. On the other hand, beware, not everyone who lets you speak first is manipulating you. To be characterized as manipulation, this behavior must be frequent or constant, intentional, and not reciprocated. This person will say little about themselves or do so by being evasive.
Another way in which dose silence presents itself is when someone suddenly breaks communication and then unexpectedly resumes it as well. When she stops answering calls or messages without giving any explanation. After a while, the person appears as if nothing had happened. And if you ask what the reasons are for the distance, the person will say that nothing happened, that it was your wrong impression.
Likewise, silence in doses appears when a kind of censorship is imposed on certain topics, without explanation. When you try to talk about it, the person simply drops the subject or refuses to give details. This, of course, applies to matters that are important to both parties. The bad thing is not a person not wanting to talk about something in particular, but being systematic and not giving any explanation about their attitude, knowing that it affects the other person.
Finally, another very common form of silence in doses is not saying something because, supposedly, not knowing would be better for the other person. This strategy applies to matters that concern exactly that someone from whom the information is being withheld.
Word is power and silence too
What distinguishes manipulative silence from spontaneous silence is purpose. Those who resort to this strategy of hiding in the absence of words use it in order to control the other. The person knows that he causes uncertainty, that he projects insecurity, and that is exactly what he seeks. By hiding in silence, the person leaves the other without the tools to act on equal terms.
Manipulative silence must not be confused with shyness. Not everyone finds it easy to communicate spontaneously. There are people who need time and understanding to express what they think and feel. They don’t speak because of shyness or lack of confidence. However, your goal is not to control other people, but to protect yourself.
Silence in doses is distinguished by the effect it has on the other person. It alternates with apparently “normal” communication. It’s an absence of words that feels like you’re hiding something. As subtle as it is, this strategy can hardly be confronted, lest anyone confronting it be accused of being paranoid or fanciful. However, however subtle it is, it does a lot of damage in a relationship and especially in the person who is the object of this practice.
This type of silence can be extremely aggressive especially as it immerses communication in muddy terrain . Misunderstandings and assumptions become routine. And abuse as such hardly appears clearly, except for its effects. If the other, after you have shown your attitude, does not stop using this very toxic practice, there is no other way out but a direct and explicit denial, besides, of course, the withdrawal.
Images courtesy of Pablo Thecuadro.
