Treasures Are The People You Can Be Vulnerable To
Finding a person who gives you enough security so that you can be vulnerable is one of the most reliable indicators that a relationship can work. This is what one of the most important research studies that studied couples’ relationships claims. Although the research was completed in 2013, its findings have only been presented to the public now, through the book “The Secrets of Enduring Love: How to Make Relationships Last”.
This study revealed that what most unites couples is the bond of trust; a place where they can behave as they really are, without the social, work or family pressures they are often subjected to. Having a space with your partner where you feel free to share, knowing that your partner accepts us despite our shortcomings, is the key to making relationships lasting and enriching.
All relationships go through several stages. Regardless of them, however, having enough security to make us vulnerable to our partner is a positive indication of the health of that relationship.
Vulnerability is necessary for relationship growth; it contributes to growing intimacy and closer bonds. It’s something that allows us to open up to the other person and show our most delicate parts, for which we are strong and, at the same time, those that can cause us a lot of harm. We speak, for example, of letting the other person observe how we are affected by what he does or discovering the scars he leaves us, those that still continue to condition us to this day and that, when formed, closed a deep and painful wound.
When our partner transmits security
The search for safety is one of our transversal and, at the same time, essential motivations. And this is because it is a need that is never fulfilled, its fear causes us fear, but also “butterflies in the stomach” which are, at least, interesting. Leaving aside this curious paradox, we can say that certainties in relationships are few.
Everything is more a matter of probability and, in this sense, according to the study “The Secrets of Lasting Love: How to Make a Relationship Last”, a high level of trust is one of the best indicators of happiness in a couple. Interesting, isn’t it?
Love is precisely the best food for that trust. We tend to internalize this idea thanks to the care we receive from childhood: we trust the people who love us and, at the same time, we tend to love the people who inspire us with confidence.
When our partner conveys confidence, a state of well-being and security is produced in our brain, creating an environment where stress can hardly be accommodated. At the same time, the security bond we form with our partner allows us to create a space to show our more personal side.
Why do we hide our most vulnerable side?
Hiding or protecting ourselves is a natural reaction when we feel in danger. On the other hand, the feeling of vulnerability can be a powerful speaker for that feeling of danger or threat.
Many people wear masks out of fear of showing their intimacy, because they think that in the future they can be attacked and that this attack will do them a lot of damage. However, in a couple this feeling must find a balance with the need for intimacy. Otherwise, it is impossible for trust to grow between the two: trust feeds precisely on trust.
Thus, one of the most complicated tasks that human beings have is to know themselves. However, as we get to know and accept ourselves as we are, we will be less afraid of this potential vulnerability, and thus we will feel stronger rather than weak.
