Why Do Relationships Always End Up Hurting Me?
Relationships… what a complicated world, isn’t it? Sources of pleasure, fear, hope, pain, nostalgia, hate, joy… sources of intensity and colors with different tones. Relationships are sources that we drink from since we were children and that we don’t always know how to choose. In fact, we all know one or several people who are a social disaster.
A disaster because they don’t know how to identify people who deserve their trust and confuse them with those who don’t. Self-centered people, who after themselves, put themselves again, in an infinite succession of ups and downs, like a yo-yo. Until they become exactly a toy, broken, destroyed by their own inability to get out of their eternal cycle of imbalance of forces, which they themselves created.
The wounds that arise from relationships
Experience teaches us. If we burn once touching a hot object, we won’t touch it again. Well, I’m lying, there are some people who do. Rare and strange cases that need to be reaffirmed… and clearly they burn again. They are people of infinite kindness, who give no fewer opportunities than the number equivalent to their kindness. That’s how they get burned again in the same place that had already been affected before.
But let’s imagine that we are not like that and that we learn what we need from a burn. Then we could go to the opposite extreme and start distrusting all objects that are close to us. Thus, we would put on very heavy gloves, with little capacity to transfer heat. In this case, we would be facing people who live their lives protected by a shield.
They manage to get along with others, but always surrounded by fear and superficiality. The gloves these people wear prevent them from receiving the heat transmitted by others. A warmth in the form of affection, which is good for everyone. In addition, two things can happen: that they get used to the gloves and no longer want to take them off and therefore give up the heat forever, or that they don’t and show a willingness to remove them.
This desire will act in the same way as a very strong emotion, which we contain or repress too much to prevent its energy from affecting us. It will be a pressure bomb that will explode at the most unexpected moment. Thus, the person with a strong desire to get rid of these gloves will end up doing it on impulse, without thinking very hard about what the temperature of the next object they are going to touch might be.
What can I do to minimize the risk?
Open the rest of the senses. Watch how people act. A person who criticizes others behind their backs will end up doing that to us too. A person who does not consider the interests of the people he lives with will not consider ours either. A person used to lying to protect himself will also do that to us. Someone who sees others as instruments to achieve their goals will also see us as one of the most available tools at their fingertips.
It is about knowing beyond what people expose on their social networks or transmit in their speeches. It is about understanding the individual as a whole and seeing how the aspects we perceive fit into him. The important thing is not that we keep the part of the puzzle that the person has already fitted or made up. It’s about trying to sketch on your own and evaluating whether we like it or not, whether we want that person to be part of our life or not.
Before touching a person and leaving our hand on them (giving them all our trust), it would be good to know their story. A good part of the thread of your life. How she faced the challenges she had to face, what goals she decided to develop, what her dreams are and what she would be willing to do to reach them.
there are people who burn
They exist, however much we have faith in the goodness of human beings. Whether by circumstances or genetics, there are people who have enormous destructive power. Within this group, unfortunately, there are people who are experts in camouflage and who know the frog’s history. The one who dipped a pot of cold water and was unable to get out in time when the water temperature started to rise.
So many people project the feeling of being cold water, and once they’ve gained our confidence, they increase the temperature until we start burning ourselves almost without realizing it. So, when we decide to take our hand away… we’ve often already suffered very deep damage.
In this sense, we have to be aware that people are dynamic and change, just like the world around us. I’m not telling you to become a paranoid person and constantly evaluate your personal relationships; but it would be good if you took what was said here as a reference to identify the changes and so that these, however gradual they are, do not go unnoticed.
